Anxious

Anxious... You might ask "Anxious of What?" Well, I had always been anxious to be loved... I'm not talking about love of family and friends - I'm quite blessed with that. I'm referring to romantic love... the kind of love that brings a sense of excitement and intimacy.

I will be 31 years old 2 months from now. But still NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth). I have a Cyber Boyfriend ... don't know if that's counted. I met him at Friendster... He's Pakistani... a Network Administrator for a large garment company that exports clothes to establishments like Mark's and Spencer's. I enjoyed our special friendship, even if we don't communicate that much. He's like me, quite married to our work.

Like any other woman, I wanted to be loved - that includes having a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, a body to hug, and lips to kiss. Cyber relationship couldn't give me that luxury. But I have almost mastered the art of contentment. Even if we are not physically together, I tried to be satisfied with the thought that somebody out there finds me special... Maybe not with the same intensity as how I would love him but at this point, I don't seem to care.

The realistic side of me still longs for that physical man. But as I wait, I keep myself inspired. Good thing I have God with me... knowing that when things are not happening the way I planned them to be, He is always there to comfort me.

I'm not getting younger but I do hope I'm getting wiser (am I? Hmmm... not so sure). But I try to maintain a child-like spirit (though sometimes childish). I know I will be okay...