There's a Danger In Loving Somebody Too Much...

I thought I had it all figured out...

I thought I'm just doing fine...

But I'm not... I'm caught in a whirlpool... A dangerous one.

I've had my share of romance - most of them nurtured in my mind. I was too afraid to show how I really feel because I've been bumped and bruised badly in the past for being so open about my feelings. Honesty equates to aggressiveness in our norm. I took the risk before and I didn't get good results. But I'm still confused because now, even in my silence, I am still hurting... and I think much more.

I had always believed in willing the highest good. A lot of times I had to sacrifice my happiness if I know that someone will be affected negatively with my actions. I am so afraid that my actions and my words reveal secrets I have kept. I feel so guilty and I don't like what it is doing to me.

But how can one stop the heart from falling in love with someone who can't be mine? He is already committed - with a big "Unavailable" sign written all over him. Everyday is a struggle because I want to show him my love but my mind kept on reminding me he already belongs to someone else.

I never expected this to happen. My first impression of him is not impressive. But as the days went by, I see a tremendous amount of gentleness and care in this man, drawing me closer and closer to him. It's actually the simple things that he does that creates a mark in my heart. I just wanted to shout out to the world that hey, there is a man who deserves to be appreciated much.

I don't know how long I can love in secrecy. If one would have a dark secret, this will probably be mine. There's a danger in loving somebody too much... I admit, I don't know how to handle this.

Maybe if I would finally have the guts to let him know how I feel, I hope I will survive. He touched my life in a very special way - and I still want that blissfulness to linger...

And to him, thank you... You made my life real...